walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
