In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
