i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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