got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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