So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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