As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
