Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I want a musical about memes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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