She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
