i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Reggie can tackle my bush.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
