wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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