I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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