i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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