Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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