i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
