I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
