So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
this is an emotional support booty call
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
