All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
