I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
