i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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