I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
