I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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