Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
