His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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