"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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