So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize