420 ftw
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
even my farts smell like vagina
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
