Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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