You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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