I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
