1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
