I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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