You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
