Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
