We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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