This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
