your parents love me but you hate me
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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