I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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