Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
