im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
