If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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