i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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