I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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