Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
