What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
