never play flip cup with pint glasses
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
