a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
