they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
