I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
