oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
