I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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