Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
