You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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