He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
