She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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