Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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