I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
