ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
