I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
