i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
