I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
