On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize