I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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