Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
