Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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