My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
