Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
