she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
