hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
