You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
