my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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