It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
