Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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