Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
