Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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