y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize