Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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